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The Illusion of Love, by David P. Celani
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Domestic violence is a pervasive problem in our society that has only recently come to be acknowledged in public discussion. Though many see it as a social and political problem grounded in unequal gender roles, this level of analysis fails to explain adequately why many battered women return to their abusers despite intense suffering and the certainty of more physical violence.
The Illusion of Love challenges the prevailing model, which views the victim of abuse as a normal woman who is unable to escape from her batterer due to the effects of terror and psychological collapse. Instead, David Celani offers a new answer―that women who are battered have a fundamental attraction to partners who are abusive.
Based on his years of clinical experience treating battered women, Celani applies object relations theory and case examples from his own practice to show that many women―and indeed some men―are unconsciously drawn to abusive partners because of personality disorders caused by childhood abuse and neglect. He argues that any effective treatment for battered women must help unravel futile and self-defeating patterns, such as ones that spring from fears of abandonment and fascination with men who produce exaggerated promises of love followed by extreme rejecting behaviors.
The Illusion of Love examines the personalities of abusers as well, many of whom suffer from narcissism, a disorder that is also often associated with childhood abuse and neglect. Narcissistic men lash out violently in an attempt to control their own fears or abandonment and to compensate for unsatisfied emotional needs.
Celani concludes that domestic violence is often the tragic result of a union between individuals with complementary personality disorders. His findings fly in the face of the politically correct refusal to examine the behavior of the victim of abuse, a strategy that has led to a severe misunderstanding of the dynamics of the battering scenario. The Illusion of Love calls for primary prevention of neglectful parenting to stem the tide of abuse in the future, offering tangible hope for the treatment of victims of abuse as they attempt to extricate themselves from unhealthy, damaging relationships.
- Sales Rank: #395982 in Books
- Published on: 1996-04-15
- Released on: 1996-11-05
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.00" h x .54" w x 6.00" l, .71 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 224 pages
Review
"Celani uses case examples from his own practice to argue that domestic violence results from the tragic union between individuals with complementary personality disorders stemming from childhood abuse and neglect." -- "Times Literary Supplement"
"Celani uses case examples from his own practice to argue that domestic violence results from the tragic union between individuals with complementary personality disorders stemming from childhood abuse and neglect." -- Times Literary Supplement
"Celani uses case examples from his own practice to argue that domestic violence results from the tragic union between individuals with complementary personality disorders stemming from childhood abuse and neglect." -- "Times Literary Supplement"
From the Back Cover
'For clinical psychologist Celani, Fairbairn's object relations theory is the key: he argues that battered and battering spouses manifest complementary personality disorders, both in response to neglectful, rejecting parents. Because abuser and abused failed to achieve differentiation, introjection, and integration in childhood, both seek love from--and fear loss of--an adult partner who is as incapable of meeting their needs as their parents were.' -- Booklist
About the Author
David P. Celani is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Vermont.
Most helpful customer reviews
18 of 19 people found the following review helpful.
an insightful view of destructive relationships
By A Customer
The author provides a foundational understanding of the psychodynamics and cyclic nature of abusive relationships. Celani explains how adult relations are unconscious repetitions of early childhood 'object relations'. He also compares his theories to those of other researchers and addresses practical methods for helping the victims. He is apparently passionate about the subject, making the book lively and approachable for lay persons as well as for psychotherapists.
7 of 11 people found the following review helpful.
Why do Women Stay?
By Bailey
If you have been abused or you work with people who are being abused (that accounts for 85% of the US) read this book. It's not obvious, even to victims, why they can't just walk away. Since typically the abuser is male and victim is a female I was impressed that this compassionate book on the subject was written by a male. A classic in the subject of abuse.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Five Stars
By mally
good shipping. good purchase.
See all 4 customer reviews...
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